


Come Back to Me

by Speary



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Season Finale, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10956111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speary/pseuds/Speary
Summary: And what if he just stayed there forever, knees slowly becoming one with the earth? He could only glance at him and then look away. He couldn’t focus on him too much, or it would be real. He couldn’t touch him, because that would be a proof too physical of all that he lost, all that he never even gained.So Dean tipped his head back and stared into the vast expanse of the stars and prayed. He had no clear recipient in mind as the words formed in his head, half nonsense, half clear begging.Coda for 12x23





	Come Back to Me

And what if he just stayed there forever, knees slowly becoming one with the earth? He could only glance at him and then look away. He couldn’t focus on him too much, or it would be real. He couldn’t touch him, because that would be a proof too physical of all that he lost, all that he never even gained.

So Dean tipped his head back and stared into the vast expanse of the stars and prayed. He had no clear recipient in mind as the words formed in his head, half nonsense, half clear begging. It slowly became Chuck to whom he prayed, but he never let himself believe that God was listening to anything anymore.

And when it was clear that Chuck wasn’t listening he opened up his mind to a vast universe of possibilities. Cas was worth much. Dean regretted not getting to tell him just how much. He closed off his mind to those thoughts and choked back a sob that threatened to escape. 

He turned his eyes from the heavens and all the help that wasn’t there. He finally looked down at him, at Cas. He stared at his eyes that were closed, his face so still, too still. He felt his own body doubling over. Dean clutched at his stomach and pressed his head to Cas’ chest. He breathed in and out in ragged breaths. He reached up with first one hand then another. 

He clutched at Cas’ shirt, torn and bloodied from his near escape. He clung to him and tried to imagine pulling him back to his body as if he could picture it so well, that it would actually be so. He kissed into the fabric but if asked he’d not even recognize it as such. It was just a press of his body, his lips to a body cold and dead. It wasn’t a kiss as much as it was giving up and letting the weight of all things pull him down.

Dean’s mouth formed words. Some were _Cas_  and others were _No_  and _Come Back._  he knew it wasn’t a choice to be reversed. He knew it wasn’t Cas’ mess to fix. It was a universe of wrong that took Cas away, just as it always did and ever would. _And where would he go now?_ Dean wondered. Where would Cas be if not alive and here with them?

He is an angel, and they don’t get their own special heaven or a spot of torture in hell. They just stop. They just cease to be. Dean sat back up and stared down at him, at his half open palm that lay on the dirt at his side. Dean began processing all of his thoughts on where angels go when they die in an effort toward figuring out how best to follow him, bring him home. 

The shift was stark. He knelt in despair. He rose back up to his knees with a different resolve filling him. He took Cas’ hand in his. He let his mind roam down paths and possibilities. He would save him. This was not the end. It couldn’t be. 

A flash of movement out of the corner of his eye caught him. He glanced to it. “Jack!” Sam called out to the movement which was there and gone before Dean could do a thing. Jack was a blur out over the water, leaving behind a golden trail of light in his wake. Sam stopped at the shore unable to follow him. 

Sam came back to Dean’s side. Dean stayed focused on the light. A solution was forming. He didn’t care about Jack in this moment, but he sent out a quick prayer, saying _Thank you,_ because just the thought of him, the vision of his golden light was enough to get him thinking right. His hand rubbed over the leg of his pants, over the wound recently healed. “Sam, help me move him in the house.”

“Sure thing, Dean.” Sam looked like he was going to cry, but he stooped to lift Cas anyway. 

“We’re bringing him back. He’s not gone. We’re bringing him back.” Dean stalked away from them to the car, figuring on meeting them inside when he had what he needed.

The noise of the trunk opening was too loud in the empty cold night. _We’re better together._ There was his mom to save, and the kid to track. There was another world and Lucifer. There was so much to fix and not enough time to wrap his head around any of it. He pulled out a small leather satchel from the corner of the trunk. He stalked back to the house. He moved with purpose. 

Sam had Cas laid out on the floor of what looked like a rough nursery. There was a rainbow painted on the wall and a crib pushed off to the side. “Is here okay?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” Dean dropped down to his side and handed the bag to Sam. 

“What’s this for? He’s, he’s gone. There’s no grace to extract.” Sam sat there holding the bag, doing nothing more.

“Not from him, Sam. You take it from me. He just healed me tonight. He gave me a lot of grace in that move. A lot. It felt different. You extract it from me and give it to him.” Dean waved a hand at the bag and then at Cas. “You remember how he did it right?”

Sam’s eyes darted back and forth between them. “Yeah, I just don’t think it’ll be enough. I carried Gadreel around for quite awhile and had almost nothing stored up in me.” 

“You’re going to try. I don’t care if it kills me. You’re gonna try Sammy.” Dean’s worry carried over into every syllable. He worried most of all that Sam would say no, that it was too risky. Time was slipping away and with it their chance. The longer they waited the less potency the grace would have, or so he believed.

Sam nodded his consent though and opened the bag. He pulled out the implements and laid them out. Dean let him take care of all of that. Dean reached out to Cas and stroked back a little of his hair from the side of his face. “I’ll be right back.” Sam moved out of the room. It was quiet and a little cold, but Dean didn’t think much about that. He just stared at Cas and waited.

Sam returned and moved about with quiet efficiency. He did what was needed. Dean leaned back down to Cas again, a move similar to when they were outside, only this time he didn’t feel defeated. He brought his lips close to Cas’ ear and said, “I’m dragging you back. You don’t get to leave just yet. I’m gonna bring you back.”

Sam reached out to Dean and said, “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Lay down then. I think it’ll be easier.” Sam motioned to the spot alongside Cas. Dean complied. Sam positioned the needle and said, “This is gonna hurt.” Dean almost laughed at how often he’d now had this experience in the last so many hours. First Toni now Sam.

‘I’m ready.” He calmed himself and waited for the needle to enter. It did, and he felt the energy being pulled from him. He felt the effort of the draw. He squeezed his hands into fists as the time passed. Sam looked concerned. Dean did his best to hide the pain of the moment. He wanted Sam to keep going. He didn’t want him to stop too soon. He could tell that Sam was thinking of doing just that. Dean grabbed his arm, squeezing him hard as he spoke, “Don’t stop Sam. Don’t even think about it.”

“I won’t let you die over this.” Sam stared back at him with his own steely-eyed resolve.

“I won’t die. And Cas is worth this.” 

“If you die, he’ll follow you. It won’t be worth it,” Sam said. He pulled the needle from him.

Dean looked at it. The contents glowed. “Doesn’t look like grace.” Dean tried to sit up, but felt a wash of dizziness run through him. 

“Stay there. I’m gonna transfer it.”

“Did it look like this when Cas took it from you?” Dean asked.

“No, but maybe they all look different. I don’t know.” Sam pushed the needle into Cas, in the same spot that he’d aimed for on Dean. He slowly dispensed the grace. The glow disappeared into him. Dean held his breath and waited impatiently. He tried sitting up again and was more successful.

“Are you done?” Dean asked, leaning closer. Sam pulled the needle out. “Do you have to do more?”

“No, just that.” They both waited and let silence fill the room. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered. “Cas,” he repeated a little louder this time. Sam set his hand on Dean’s back like he was trying to comfort him, like this was a loss. Dean could feel the defeat in the move. He could feel the despair rushing through him again. He let his fist drum once, twice, three times on Cas’ chest. He fell forward again and cried into the folds of his rumpled trench coat. “Damnit, Cas. You gotta come back. You bastard, you gotta come back.” 

Sam got up then and moved out of the room to give him a moment to grieve on his own. Dean felt the flood gates open, everything he lost was rushing through his mind. Memories of missed opportunities, everything that mattered being ripped from him again and again. And here was Cas, here was everything. 

He pulled back a little and looked at his face. He looked at the peace that was there that mocked him for its falseness. Dean pressed his forehead to Cas’ and cried. “I hate you. How could you leave like this.” He knew it wasn’t Cas’ choice. No one chooses to be stabbed in the back, but Dean blamed him a little for risking himself time and again. Sometimes too, it was easier to say you hated the very things that you loved. A moment passed then another. He cupped Cas’ cheek in his hand and said, “I love you.” it was quiet enough, but it was truer than anything he’d ever said. “I love you,” he repeated. He kissed him, softly now. He brushed back his own tears from Cas’ cheek as he looked down at him. 

Dean sat up then, bracing himself for the leaving. He didn’t think he could. He tipped his head back one last time and thought for a moment that the room was almost glowing past the tears that were fogging up his vision. He felt movement beneath his palm pressed flat to Cas’ chest.

Dean’s eyes shot back down to the face that meant everything. “Cas.” He couldn’t say anything else.

A small smile curled up from Cas’ lips. His eyes were open and bright, shining with life. They stared at each other a moment, then Cas said, “Hello, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you for any kudos you feel like leaving and any kind words. You can also find me on Tumblr under the name [Spearywritesstuff](http://spearywritesstuff.tumblr.com/)


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